A Post-Tisha B’Av Thought

            As Tisha B’Av 5774 comes to an end, so does Israel’s Operation Protective Edge with the final troops leaving Gaza.

            The camaraderie and unity engendered by this war throughout the land and in truth with Jews around the world was something to behold.  One poignant event says it all.  Some of the hospitals where soldiers were being treated had to announce that visitors should not come before checking with the hospital because it was just too overwhelming due to the multitude of well‑wishes who were coming to be “Makir Tov.”  Other examples include constant Tehillim and extra learning sessions on behalf of the “chayalim.”  This author can further attest to the fact that many “chareidim” attended the funerals of “lone soldiers” that drew thousands from across the spectrum.

            So, perhaps, we are finally headed in the right direction.  One of the major cardinal sins that resulted in the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash was “sinas chinam,” simple wanton hatred of Jew to his fellow Jew.  In order to ameliorate this “aveira,” there is a need for “ahavas chinam” – simple love for another Jew.  This feeling was initiated with the horrific murder of three yeshiva boys and continued for the duration of the Gaza defensive.  Yidden were finally looking beyond the pettiness that divides us and instead focusing on the core Torah values that unites us.

            So, where do we go from here?  As we approach Shabbos Nachamu, a surge of comfort and consolation envelops us.  But has anything really changed?  Is it just the tragic events that brought us together that could dissipate in a short period of time?

            The Yerushalmi states:

                        “Kol mi shelo nivneh Beis Hamikdash beyomov, keilui hechrivu.”

Whoever did not merit that the Beis Hamikdash was rebuilt in his day, it is as if he destroyed it.

            The question is striking.  I destroyed the Beis Hamikdash?  What do you want from little me?  I don’t control Klal Yisroel.  I can’t influence the masses to make major changes in their ideology.  The Talmedei Ba’al Shem Tov give a beautiful pragmatic response.  We are told that the Third Beis Hamikdash will initially be built through the deeds of each and every Jew.  We should imagine for a moment that through our mitzvas and massim tovim, we represent a brick in the Beis Hamikdash, as do our fellow Jews as well.  Thus, if we don’t do our utmost to create our part in the great edifice known as the Beis Hamikdash, then in reality, it is as if we destroyed it because it can’t be built without our participation.  In the final analysis, of course, we desire the collective participation of all Jews with a mutual feeling of love and respect for each other.  However, in reality, it’s is not our worry to be concerned how the rest of Klal Yisroel will come together in a feeling of achdus and camaraderie.  We have to be worried about ourselves.           (אם אין אני לי מי לי).  “Our bricks” are the litmus test.  In our day we should provide our bricks for the Beis Hamikdash; if not, it is as if we destroyed it!

            Permit me to present some ideas to help us strengthen ourselves in the realm of “ahavas habrios.”

            We are familiar with the chazal that 24,000 students of Rebbi Akiva perished because they didn’t accord each other proper honor and respect.  To reduce their actions to mundane disrespect such as we know it would be denigrating to the greatest Tanaim of that era.  Rather, as the Baalai Mussar point out, there was an infinitesimal degree of lack of kavod which was magnified and brought with it tragic results because of how great they were.  They were held to a different standard because they were talmidim of the great Rebbi Akiva who taught ואהבת לרעך כמוך as the כלל גדול בתורה.

            To a large degree, we who are B’nei Torah are held to a higher bar when it comes to our actions, especially our outlook and interaction with other Jews.  The Torah Jew is supposed to know better and behave accordingly with ahavas yisroel to others that are perhaps different than us in their hashkafa.

            The reason it is so difficult to accept others that are not like us, has its roots in the middah of ga’avah – haughtiness.  We think that our way and our derech is the correct and only way.  We can’t give credence to others because then we wonder why we are not like them.  So, the only defense is an offense to negate them and what they stand for.  The passuk states:

כמים פנים אל פנים כן לב האדם לאדם

Just as water reflects our face so, too, is the heart of man to his fellow man.

The Gerrer Rebbe זצ"ל asked why is the imagery of water mentioned when speaking of a reflection.  The passuk should have mentioned the reflection of a mirror which produces a much sharper and clearer image.  The Rebbe זצ"ל answered that when you gaze at yourself in the mirror, you stand erect and tall, whereas, looking at your reflection in the water requires you to bend down at the seashore.  This teaches us that only when you humble yourself and bend down can you connect the heart of man to his fellow man.

            It behooves us to respect the Torah of others, the mesorim of others, the way of life of others as long as they follow their Rabbonim who instruct them in their “derech.”  It is interesting to note that the letters immediately following the letters of  ר-ע-ך – friend – spell ש-פ-ל – to humble oneself. (ר-ש, ע-פ,כ-ל)

            Someone once pointed out to me that the word in Hebrew for Yedid – ידיד actually is comprised of יד & יד  - going hand in hand with your friend.  A beautiful illustrative story is as follows.  I made annual visits to the City of Rechovot to visit the Chief Rabbi, Rav Simcha Cook, who is a close friend.  From our close relationship and seeing the Rov in action, I was well aware of his effusive and deeply-rooted Ahavas Yisroel.  One Shabbos as we were eating Seudah Shelishis, a man came in screaming, “Kavod HaRav. This Egged bus driver is already in the bus with the engine on and Shabbos is not over yet!” I watched as Rav Kook arose and motioned to all assembled to follow him outside.  Lo and behold, there was the bus with the driver in his seat ready to go! Rav Kook, with his inimitable warmth and love started a nigun and told everyone to form a circle in front of the bus. After a few moments, Rav Kook went to the door of the bus and motioned to the driver to come down and join the group.  The Rav took his hand and lovingly danced with him for a minute or two in the circle.  As soon as the z’man for Motzei Shabbos arrived, Rav Kook looked at his watch and gave the driver a beautiful bracha and said “Sim Shalom” travel in peace, that’s a true ידיד ; when it’s Yad b’Yad.

            As the Jewish calendar reaches “Shabbos Nachamu,” we all breathe a sigh of relief.  Is it because we survived the fast, or perhaps we can now attend that concert that we anxiously awaited for these past few weeks when music was restricted?  What transformation occurred regarding our mourning for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash?  Has anyone started building the Third Temple?  I believe the true answer to my last question is a resounding “Yes.”  We are the builders.  As we learn the lesson of Tisha B’Av properly, we may rejoice that we are on a new life path of building אהבה, אחוה, ורעות.  These are the rudimentary elements necessary to merit the Third and permanent Beis Hamikdash.

            The passuk tells us  (בראשית מה', יד)  that when Yosef and Binyamin met after years of separationויפל על צוארי בנימין אחיו ויבך, ובנימין בכה על צואריו  -  - And he fell on the neck of Binyomin, his brother, and cried and Binyomin cried on his neck.

            The Talmud in Megillah 16B comments on the fact that the word for neck regarding Binyamin is צוארי in the plural as if he had two necks.  This Gemara explains that this means that Yosef cried on the necks of Binyamin referring to the two Temples that would be destroyed on his property.  Binyamin cried for Mishkan Shilo that would be in Yosef’s portion.  The commentators questioned why specifically at the time of joy and reunion did they cry?  Furthermore, why did they cry for each other’s loss and their own.  A great Chassidic Rebbe, Rav Yechezkel M’Kuzmir זצ"ל gives a beautiful answer.  As stated earlier, the second “Bayis” was destroyed because of “sinas chinam”  The separation of Yosef and his brothers with their eventual journey to Egypt also was an outgrowth of wanton hatred when the brothers reunited and realized what sin brought all this about, they also saw prophetically that this same sin of
“sinas chinam” would wreak havoc in the future; as well for this they indeed cried! Yet, they didn’t just burst out with emotional cries!  They attempted to “fix” the problem and to ameliorate the “sinas chinam.”  For this reason they cried for each other, to display “ahavas chinam” in an attempt to remove once and for all ”sinas chinam” from the midst of the Klal Yisroel.  Furthermore, Yosef not only displayed tremendous love to Binyamin whom he never hated, but he was “mochel” his brothers for throwing him into the pit and selling him to the Yishmaylim.

            It is not sufficient to just talk about love for our fellow man.  We must take affirmative steps and actions to demonstrate our feelings for one another.  Every effort on our part “is building bricks of “ahavas chinam” for which we can truly feel brings with it a sense of “nechama.”

            We need and we must change Hashem’s “Midas HaDin: to “Midas HaRachamim.”   The Belzer Rebbe זצ"ל once said ואהבת לרעך if you love your friend כמוך which is the same numerical value as אלקים  - 86 – representing strict justice, then אני ה' I will display the name of Hashem, which is mercy and loving kindness.  In short, if you give love, you get love.

This then is our key to bring forth the Geulah.  The war in Gaza has galvanized a nation in unity and strength and as a Rosh Yeshiva so eloquently stated   חמאס - stands for Chassidim, Misnagdim, Ashkenazim and Sefardim.

The numerous Kedoshim and, in particular, the three Yeshiva boys, taught us all how to cry and pray together as one tzibbur regardless of our external physical differences. 
Now is the time!  Let’s not procrastinate!

(516) אהבת חינם      =       יבנה המקדש (516)

שנזכה במהרה בימנו אמן.

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

The Kedusha of Eretz Yisroel and The Not So Secular Jew

 

            In Parshas Maasei, we read about the three cities of refuge that were established in “Ever Hayarden” that served the tribes of Gad and Reuvain and half of the tribe of Menashe, who resided there. The other three cities of refuge were erected in Eretz Cannan to serve the other nine and a half tribes who lived there.

            The purpose of these cities was to serve as a safe haven for an individual who killed someone unintentionally.

            The question is glaring and obvious.  The mathematical equation is disproportionate.  Why were three cities needed for three and a half tribes and the same number needed for nine and a half tribes?  The Talmud answers and explains that “Ever Hayarden” had more murders that killed deliberately with intent.  How does this fact answer the question? What difference is there that there are more murderers when our singular issue deals with unintentional murders which should not have the same statistic as Eretz Yisroel. The Baalei Musar explain that in an environment of murders per force there will be more individuals who will kill unintentionally as well.  The influence of life being cheap and disposable has a profound impact on the populace in general in terms of how careful they are on a daily basis in their interactions with other humans.  Hence, in “Ever Hayarden” there was a need for three cities of refuge because of the abundance of unintentional murders as opposed to Eretz Yisroel.

Living in Eretz Yisroel these past few months, I see the fulfillment of this concept in the converse.  There is no doubt that the secular Jew in Eretz Yisroel is vastly and inherently different than the secular Jew in Chutz L’Aretz.

Without a doubt the spiritual ambience of the Holyland leaves an indelible impression on all Jews in many different forms.  I do not speak of the political rhetoric and boisterous outcries when it comes to financial allotments, the chareidim, army service, or the like.  I believe Israel and the Israeli political arena is a nuclear world unto itself which I will not address at this time. I speak of the simple Israeli Jew in the street, the cab or bus driver, or the average working person who is influenced for the good because of the surrounding holiness that pervades our special homeland.  To the degree the surrounding environment is more spiritually intense, so is the influence on its inhabitants. Hence, a non-religious Jew of Bnei Brak or Yerushalyim is vastly different than a similar Jew living in Modein or Beersheva. 

I recall a beautiful incident that dates back some 30 plus years. We were spending the summer in Yerushalyim, and I had an appointment with Reb Shlomo Zalman Auerbach,זצ"ל who lived in the Shaare Chesed neighborhood.  I called a cab and a nice irreligious man in his 20s, who sported a ponytail was my driver.  He asked me where I wanted to go, and I responded that I was going to Rehov Porush Eser.  He turned around and said in Hebrew, “Betach, Ato Holech L’Rav Auerbach.  Slicha, zeh Rehov Porush Ahad Esray.”  “For sure you are going to Reb Auerbach.  Forgive me, but it’s Rehov Porush 11.”  I was astounded to say the least,.  I could not imagine a Jewish cab driver on the lower east side of Manhattan correcting a passenger as to the correct address of Reb. Moshe Feinstein זצ"ל, or for that matter the address of any great Torah personality.  But the story does not end there.  As we approached Rehov Porush, Rav Shlomo Zalman זצ"ל was walking up the street from the Gra Shul, where he davened regularly.  The driver was ecstatic and excited and exclaimed “Zeh Reb Auerbach” and proceeded to exit the taxi (forgetting about me the passenger) and put his head down to receive a brocha from this great sage. Secular Israelis are somehow exposed to prominent Talmedi Chachamim and Gedolim who are either occasional passengers of theirs or such as my driver, have the zechus to see and get a brocha from a tzadik directly.  I can recall so many times those taxi drivers who were irreligious but beamed with pride as they told me that they had the merit to drive various Gedolim and Tzaddikim. 

More recently, I had  decided to visit some of the wounded soldiers from Israeli’s recent “Protective Edge” war in the Gaza Strip.  Although there are unfortunately soldiers with all types of injuries throughout Israel’s major hospitals, I chose to visit some of the soldiers who were light to moderately injured and being treated in Hadassah Hospital in Ein Kerem.  There were some young men from Hesder Yeshivas, but the overwhelming number of soldiers were chilonim.  As I entered the rooms they were a bit baffled as to who this rabbi is with a beard whom they don’t recognize coming to visit.  I immediately told them that I was from America, currently visiting Eretz Yisroel, and that I came to visit them on my own but in truth I represent so many other Jews that would have come were it not for the geographical distance.  I was received by all the soldiers with tremendous warmth and gratitude.  As I asked for their Hebrew names, so that we could say Tehillim on their behalf in the various shuls in Eretz Yisroel, I pointed out that many yeshivos in Eretz Yisroel were cancelling their Bein Hazmanim vacation and were continuing their regular studies as a merit to the soldiers fighting on the front.  Needless to say, these young men, who were devoid of religious life, were touched beyond words by this magnanimous gesture.  These valiant and courageous young chayalim  spoke of strong comraderie but above all, real miracles that they saw on the battlefield.  Some said  they recite Tehillim and occasionally pray with some of their religious comrades prior to a decisive battle.  Many told me that they admire their religious friends who are chayalim but at present they are just not ready for such a lifestyle.  Bar none, as I spoke of Hashem, they all acknowledged that He runs the world and that we would be lost without Him.  But they can’t make the transition because it is a quantum leap in their life from what has been until now.

I left the hospital room exhilarated and exalted from my visit and pondered what one solider by the name of Tal had told me previously.  In various battalions, they have lost some of their comrades, and as part of a pluga,  the pluga wondered what they could do in memory of their lost comrades, whether they were religious or not. In his group, the Golani Bridgade someone of them undertook to put on Tefillin every day, even if for just a few moments.  I hugged him without realizing that I pressed on his chest where he had had two bullets extracted the day before.  We shed some tears together as he told me that he hopes to leave the hospital in two days and go back to Gaza to rejoin his friends once again.  You see, he said, “I’m not Dati but here and there I try to do the right thing.”   

            As I walked down the corridor of “Komah Chomesh” in the Davidsohn Pavillion, I said to myself I must go back to Tal, Iti, Shalim, Orad and the others.   I didn’t give them enough “Idud” – Encouragement.  I went back and told them that they are like the Macabbim in the story of Chanukah, the valiant courageous soldiers fighting Hashem’s war.  Don’t get caught up I said in your expertise and the overarching strength of the IDF and IAF.  Remember Yehuda HaMacabi’s battle cry of “Mi L’Hashem Eilay.”  This is Hashem’s war against Amalek, and we all are fighting together.  You’re on the front and others are fighting with Tefila, Tehillim, Limud HaTorah and Mitzvos.  You are all Hashem’s children and we need each and everyone of you! I bid my new friends farewell and walked down the hall once again towards the elevator.  As I passed the nurses’ station, I said to them “Shemor Al HaChayalim;” they are fighting Hashem’s war for the holiness of Eretz Yisroel.  They (the non-religious nurses) smiled and said “betach,” -for sure -  “Zeh Milchemes Hashem,” This is Hashem’s war.

If we just open our eyes, we see a myriad of such incidents daily.  One more recent event that left me inspired was as follows:

I was standing on the platform of the light rail train at the Mt. Hertzel station.  I appeared a bit lost trying to figure out on which side of the track I needed to be on in order to get to town.  Suddenly, a secular man in his sixties who was a train supervisor approached and said “Ulay Ani Yechol L’Azor Le’cha?  Maybe I can help you? I told him where I was headed and glad to hear I was on track.  We spoke about the day’s sad news with the death of a number of “chayalim” from the Golani Brigade.  With tears in his eyes, he said I also lost a son a number of years ago.  As I pondered which war it could have been, he said not in battle but from drugs.  Before I could try to comfort him in some way, he continued “You should know none of these parents whose children died will ever recover from their loss.”  You know why?  I stood unresponsive knowing that I have no understanding of his or these parents’ plight.  He quoted the passuk in the Torah that speaks of Yaakov’s refusal to allow Binyomin to go down to Mitzrayim where it says “V’horadatem es Sayvosi B’yogon Sh’eolem.” “You will bring down my gray head in sorrow to the grave.”  You see from here he said that losing a child is an event you can never ‘get over.’ Figuring that he was a “Tanach buff” of yesteryear, I told him I understood his point and then came a startling statement “Without Hashem and his Torah, we wouldn’t be able to exist.”  I was shocked hearing such a clear bold statement from a secular Israeli.  Suddenly, I saw my train approaching, and I knew I had but a few moments.  All I could say was “Hashem should strengthen you and your family, and I quoted the passuk in Tehillim “Im Hashem Lo Yishmor Ir Shov Shokad shomer.”  “if Hashem doesn’t guard the city, for naught is the watchman.”

Racing through Yerushalyim on the “rakevet hakala” and gazing at all the different types of Jews, I couldn’t help but think of how much the kedusha of Yerusahalyim has permeated these people’s lives in one way or another.  Indeed, this influence of spirituality can’t be replicated anywhere else in the world.  Each and every Yid has that spark ready to ignite when it’s connected to Kedusha in the proper fashion.  This is the uniqueness of the Israeli Jew.

May we merit speedily in our day to see the fulfillment of the words of the Navi

ומלאה הארץ דעה את ה' כמים לים מכסים

The world will be filled with the knowledge of Hashem as the water fills the oceans.

Great Video...
Rabbi Weinberger introducing the Munkatcher Rebbe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucL9pM0G7wU

Video 5  ways to improve to improve your marriage....
Improve Your Marriage

Dear Klal Yisroel

            It might be presumptuous on my part to want to address Klal Yisroel especially if contained herein are words of chastisement and admonishment. Yet, due to a recent event that I attended I feel compelled and obligated to express to Klal Yisroel the feelings of a multitude of women.who represent an even larger contingent who were not present. I am but a shliach tzibur and a mouthpiece for hundreds in not thousands of anguished neshei chayil.

            A few weeks ago I was invited to participate and address a weekend Shabbos retreat for a few hundred divorced women hosted by “Sister to Sister.” This organization offers year-round chizuk, guidance, mentoring, and so much more to hundreds of divorced women in the tri-state area.

            During the course of Shabbos, in addition to being treated to a Shabbos getaway without children, the women attended workshops, panel discussions, drashas geared to the myriad of issues that they face vis-à-vis themselves and their children. Rabbis, rebbetzins and professionals dealt with their unique real life challenges with the hope of helping them meander through life’s difficult maze in order to live a healthy and productive future. The ambiance was superb and during the course of the weekend, they had the opportunity of numerous outlets in the form of swimming, aerobics, dancing, etc. providing them with a memorable weekend of inspiration and enjoyment.

            Yet, this was by far the saddest Shabbos of my life. As I perused the room, I saw a few hundred sophisticated, well dressed women in the Yeshivish/Chasidish circles that represented hundreds of Yiddishe kinderlach. I was also aware that there are a few hundred additional members of this wonderful organization who did not come for Shabbos. My pain and anguish is not what you’re thinking. No, it was not about the hundreds of living orphans that I thought about, nor the pain and suffering of so many who shared with me their personal stories about the Gehenom that they went through until they obtained their Get.

            Many of the women had the opportunity during the course of the weekend to confer and seek advice from the Rabbonim and Rebbetzins on a one-to-one basis. I was able to speak to approximately 25 women over the course of the weekend hearing their personal stories and looking for guidance and advice in their life ahead. I have no doubt that this small group that I listened to is demonstrative and representative of the entire assemblage. It is about what was repeatedly echoed by all that pains and troubles me to the core. The women expressed a tremendous amount of pain in the fact that they are oftentimes mistreated, spoken to without proper sensitivity, and yes, sometimes pained beyond words by the biting, stinging comments made to them by others. Even Rabbanim were unfavorable to them and for the most part said they had no time when they asked shailos for themselves, their children or for the family in general. This insensitivity needs to change.

            The Torah tells us in Parshas Mishpatim (22:21) כל אלמנה ויתום לא תענון Any widow or orphan you shall not oppress. Rashi as well as other commentators tell us that the prohibition of saying painful words to another person apply to anyone, yet the Torah specifies the widow and the orphan because they are weaker and more vulnerable due to the lack of a husband/father. No doubt we can write an entire exposé on people’s lack of sensitivity in dealing with others who don’t have children, not yet married, widowed, orphaned, jobless, etc. There is a clear biblical imperative to be extremely careful with what we say especially when our words may cause deep wounds in the hearts of so many suffering individuals.

            Yet, even to those that are properly sensitive to the aforementioned categories there seems to be a general lack of respect and concern for the divorcee and her children. Unlike the widow who is a victim of an act of Hashem, many see the divorcee as somewhat of a misfit to society who perhaps due to her own idiosyncrasies or failings deserved what she got.  Someone once contrasted the situation of a widow and a divorcee in the following fashion.  They said that if the woman’s husband had died a squadron of women would have marched into her home with meals, perhaps money, and above all, support and chizuk.  But the death of a marriage doesn’t end with a funeral and therefore most people do not comprehend and understand the overwhelming loss and need of the similar support and chizuk.  Let me be abundantly clear and state that as one who has worked with this population and has counseled many for over 30 years in the Rabbinate, the average person looking in from the outside has absolutely no idea of the reality or circumstances that surround an individual’s divorce. After a lot of “he said,” “she said,” and lashon hara that is spread one must come to a stark conclusion and a limud zechus that there is no way to fault any one individual a hundred percent. Being kind and compassionate to a woman’s plight is not about taking sides or showing favoritism to any one party. Instead, it demonstrates a clear and conscious effort to be fair, understanding and sensitive to a stark reality of need and compassion.

            Every divorce is uniquely different and the difficulties that the woman faces cannot be homogenized as one-size-fits-all. There are those that are left penniless, others with a minimal amount of money and yet others who seem to get what’s called a decent or good settlement. Obviously, there are many other concerns and difficulties that a divorced women faces vis-à-vis her ex-husband, her children and her community at large. All the women I spoke to expressed in very clear and definitive terms their lack of acceptance and being made to feel somewhat of a misfit to society. This outlook is absolutely and unequivocally against all of what Torah teaches us.

            I recently saw a story quoted in Parsha Parables by my dear friend Rav Mordechai Kamenetsky that I am adapting to a situation of divorce.

            During a trip to the shoe store a week before the Yom Tov, the salesman, who knew about the divorced mother and four children that just walked in, went to the back of the store. He came out with a very special treat. He slowly handed each child a large, helium filled, Mylar balloon. He started with the younges. “One for Tzippy, one for Dovi, one for Leah, one for Shimmi, and,” he slowly said with a smile, “one for Mommy.”

            As the children were cherishing their shiny balloons, Leah pulled on her mother’s jacket and began kvetching that she wants another balloon. Mrs. Goldberg was extremely embarrassed and said to her “Please Leah, you received a balloon and it is only one per child.” She persisted as the salesman looked on in a state of dismay. Finally with tears in her eyes, she looked up at her mother and she said, “I don’t want another balloon for myself. I want one for Tatty.”

            There is much that has been written and needs to be further developed regarding divorce and its effect on the family dynamic and the children in particular. This is not the place nor time for that development, yet we all understand the importance of co-parenting and the need for children to have both a healthy father and mother. Regardless of the differences between husband and wife that necessitated a divorce we as a community must try in every which way to make the children of divorced homes as well as the father and mother feel most welcome and accepted.

            In addition to being very careful about the aforementioned lav in the Torah regarding painful and hurtful words, we should also stop and contemplate the seriousness of this prohibition as opposed to other prohibitions. The Torah says אם ענה תענה אתו כי אם צעק יצעק אלי שמע אשמע בעקתו “If you in any way mistreat him, for if he shall cry out in any way to me, I shall certainly hear his outcry.” The Torah does not tell us what precisely the punishment will be, but makes it extremely clear that unlike other situations where we hope that our tefilos are heard, in this instance the cries of oppression of the helpless and downtrodden will most definitely be heard by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The Ibn Ezra points out a further aspect of the seriousness of this commandment. The posuk begins כל אלמנה ויתום לא תענון which is in the plural while the posuk אם ענה תענה אותו is in the singular. This comes to teach us that if the community allows even a single one of its members to mistreat the helpless, Hakadosh Boruch Hu will chas v’shalom punish them all. The community as a whole bears responsibility for not creating an awareness and a sensitivity so that even one of its members should not persecute, denigrate or cause pain to the helpless. In light of the above, we must be vigilant in heightening our communal awareness of the needs of this population. Not to pity them but rather to treat them as upstanding respectable members of our community.

            There is no question that in every community there are human angels who will go out of their way to embrace and assist a particular divorcee and her family.  This is based perhaps on prior friendships, neighborly graciousness or a deeply rooted sense of feeling for someone else’s plight.  However, many a neighbor turns a blind eye, many a friend takes the other side, and oftentimes the community in general is not inviting or supportive of the divorcee and her family.  It is to the broader community that I address my concerns of reaching out in being pro-active, to be mechazek in every which way possible these broken families.

            Every Yom Tov brings with it its unique challenges for the divorcee and her children. A mother of children needs to have a Rav for halachic and Hashkafic guidance in all areas of her life. There are many shailos and challenges that come up and a proper posek who is well versed in halacha as well as one who understands the dynamic of children in a divorced home should be sought out. With Purim at our footstep, we are aware of the obligation of children especially those that have reached the age of chinuch to come to shul both by night and by day. Generally, if the father is around he would be taking his son to shul with him. There are situations however where the father lives in a different community and there is a need for someone to see to it that the child be taken to shul for krias hamegilla. An additional issue would be a situation of someone who needs to babysit for an infant and there’s a question whether the mother who has an obligation to hear megilla should go to shul and the son below Bar Mitzvah watch the child or vice versa. This of course presumes that either the child or the mother will hear the megilla later at home. The aforementioned shaila is a dispute amongst the poskim and a shaila that most definitely must be asked for a definitive psak. As a community we must also be aware how awkward a Purim seuda would be without the father (quite different than a regular Shabbos that one becomes accustomed to) and as such, the need to reach out to these families and invite them to be part and parcel of our seuda.

            As we approach the Yom Tov of Purim the words of the Rambam in Hilchos Megila resonate so strongly. After an individual has fulfilled the mitzvah of mishloach manos and matanos levyonim, we are taught that if you have excess funds they should be given to the poor as opposed to buying or making additional packages for your friends and neighbors. What’s striking is the reason the Rambam gives, totally uncharacteristic in his halachic treatise known as Mishne Torah. The Rambam says that one should enhance matanos levyonim "שאין שם שמחה גדולה ומפוארה אלא לשמח לב עניים ויתומים ואלמנות וגרים."  because there is no greater joy than to gladden the hearts of the poor, orphans, widows and converts. I think that if we were asked why this is the greatest joy we would respond that helping others, especially those that feel downtrodden and oppressed brings with it a tremendous sense of satisfaction and joy. As a wise man once said “Happiness is a perfume that you can’t pour on someone else without getting a few drops on yourself as well.” The Rambam however, gives a reason that is far more powerful and all encompassing. He states that a person who gladdens the heart of unfortunate victims of abusive and denigrating hurtful words which most definitely include the divorcee as well

is likened to Hashem himself for regarding Hashem it is said, כהחיות רוח שפלים ולהחוית לב נדכאים who gives life and uplifts those that are down and dejected.The Rambam thus is teaching us that the greatest joy in the world is to emulate our Creator by strengthening, uplifting and giving chizuk to those pained neshamas who are going through various hardships in their life.

            The divorced population is crying out to all of you for a sense of compassion, assistance and simply some kind words or encouragement as they face their daunting task of raising their families with the same Torah values as we all wish for ourselves.